Introductions

For those of you who I have not kept in contact with as often as I should have during the last few years, here is a re-introduction to my crew ...

Thomas (soon to be seven) - My strong willed, headstrong firstborn with a sensitive heart and a naivety most people would miss behind the extroverted persona he exudes. I have said over and over that Thomas is my little brother all over again, and while I still see so much of Trey in him, I am coming to recognize more and more of myself in this feisty little boy ... and yes, it is scary to see yourself so aptly on display in the mannerisms and exuberance of your child.
I see in Thomas all of the same insecurities I had as a child, and yet, like every parent, I can't seem to always get through to him the message of "I've been there before. I know where you are. I know how you feel and why you behave the way you do, and you don't have to go down that path. Trust me." I keep praying one day he will listen, but until then I will just keep praying and keep hugging and keep hopefully directing in the right direction. How else can I describe the special place my precious firstborn holds in my life? Thomas is my heart.

CJ (soon to be four) - How often is it one gets to see the physical persona of joy? It is in his smile; it is in his laugh; it is in the way his entire face lights up when he sees me in the morning or when he finally gets an unexpected pounce on his big brother. It is in the laugh that bubbled out when he figured out how to tickle his little brothers toes.
CJ is a question - how will I ever be everything to him that he needs? With all of my flaws, my failings and shortcomings, how did God ever find me worthy of such a child? Will I be enough for him?
CJ is a character builder - he makes me view things differently whether I want to or not. His disability has brought so many doctors and therapists and rules and regulators into my life that at times I just want to run away and hide so that I can raise my child on my own without Big Brother seemingly peeking over my shoulder at every turn. CJ can make me question my place in this world more than any other child, but he can also take the worst days of my life and cover them with a healing balm just by seeing that look on his face that says "You are everything to me Mommy. This smile is for you." CJ is my sunshine.

Brascoe (Coeby to everyone else) six months old - Brascoe is the one that tells me I have to press on - I can't give up on me yet. He is such a little Thomas, and yet the place he holds in my heart is all his own. Brascoe reminds me of how precious being a mommy is when you know that the little one in your arms believes his whole world revolves around you. I am his anchor... and that feeling - the trust that shines in his eyes when he looks at me and cries "pick me up Mommy and I know everything will be ok" - nothing else compares to it. He makes the sleepless nights worth it (not that I would mind him sleeping through the night ...) :-), and he helps me look forward to the next step ahead. I don't know if Brascoe will be the last child I will have - I sincerely hope not - but regardless, I am so thankful for him - for today - for all of the moments I am here to share with yet another precious child. Brascoe is my blessing.